Sunday, September 23, 2007

My baby got on a plane for the 1st time

My baby got on a plane today without me. I have to say it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Your father moved to Colorado back in June and you haven't seen him since. It hasn't really bothered you because you don't really like to go anyway. You always cry and cling to me and beg me not to go. You always say that you will be a good boy. Baby I want you to know that you have not been bad. I would NEVER send you away because of your behavior. It is just one of those things that we have to do. Your dad wants to see you too because he loves and misses you.

Back to my point. I know that alot of people would be very apprehensive about putting their child on a plane after 9/11. But I can honestly say that is not where these feelings are coming from. Yes, that was a horrible act of terrorism, and it is hard to believe that people can do that to each other. But that isn't it. I love to fly and I have always wanted you to love it as much as I do. And you do love planes, but I always thought your first flight would be with ME. Is that selfish of me? Not just for the experience but because I hate you being away from me and I have no control over the factors in your life when you are away. I know this is something I will have to get over but I shouldn't have to right now, after all you are only 4.

Buddy flew into Atlanta from Denver to get you. I had told you where we were going and why, but I don't think it really registered with you since you hadn't seen him in 3 months. You were so excited about riding on a plane you followed me along like a little trouper while we rushed through security and the terminal. Since we were late due to construction. We actually made it through the entire check-in process and to your gate in less than 30 minutes. It must be some kind of As soon as we reached the gate and you spotted Buddy you started crying and screaming that you didn't want to go. You clung to me so hard that he actually had to pry you away from me. You always cry and don't want to go but this was the worst ever. I think that is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It BREAKS my heart to see you like that. Every time you act this way I want to just tell him NO that you aren't going, but I can't do that. So you were then off on Air Trans flight 301 from Atlanta to Denver from gate 17C.

I cried the entire trip home I just couldn't get over how much worse it was this time. And the fact that you were on the plane without me. I actually stopped in La Grange to try and get myself back together but it didn't really work. Buddy called when you guys landed in Denver. He said you did good that you calmed down quickly but I think he tells me that to make me feel better. Because you fell asleep on the plane and that is not something you would normally do, so I have a feeling that you cried yourself to sleep.

I can't wait for you to come home but I do hope you have a wonderful time while you are gone.
I love you my sweet boy.

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